What happens when you die?

For those who may have come on this site from googling a specific phrase ("what happens when you die?"), here are some links to four posts where I discuss my thoughts on the afterlife more directly.

The Afterlife 1: Sources for Our Speech : basically, where my ideas about the afterlife come from.

The Afterlife 2: Justice

The Afterlife 3: Resurrection

The Afterlife 4: Vision

This below, the original post, mostly deals with the difficulty of talking about death in public when someone personally asks you the question: "What happens when (you, me, my aunt, my beloved mother, etc.) die?"

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There are several things I have noticed about being a budding scholar of religion and a developing minister in graduate school at Harvard Divinity School. One thing which happens frequently in conversation runs something like this:

"You're in school? Where at?"

"I'm at Harvard Divinity School?"

After this long pause, one of three responses will come quickly hurtling out of my new-found acquaintance's mouth.

• "Oh, that's nice!" (generally said in an overly cheerful tone, followed by a couple fleeting glances around me as they desperately look for another conversation partner, and, finally, a long awkward silence)
• "Oh....you know I used to attend/still attend/would like to attend...." This is the response where they let me know that they either consider themselves "a raging atheist," "spiritual, but not religious" or where they covertly inform me (in hushed tones, since it's Cambridge, Mass.) that they, too, are one of the devout few.
• "Oh! So what do you think about....."

I find these responses rather interesting because I've noticed that something about telling people you attend Divinity School seems to be the green light for them to let down their hair concerning religious identity and their level of comfort with faith issues. I bring all of this up, though, to lead into a rather interesting encounter I had recently which are related to my more general Divinity School generated conversations.

I recently met an individual who hit me up with a rather different religious question than I've received for some time. What I mean is that the types of questions I tend to get after I unveil myself as a Divinity School student are, in one sense, purely academic. They concern interesting religious issues in the news or in society, perhaps even a difficult theological problem. But, I rarely ever receive a question which is personal or of obvious, direct import to both myself and the person asking the question. This trend is what made my recent encounter so interesting.

He asked me something deceptively basic. "So, what do you think happens when you die?"

Now, for me, the afterlife is a rather tricky thing to talk about. It's not because I lack ideas or have some sort of doubtful angst in regards to my faith. Rather, the afterlife can be a difficult topic to speak about with someone you don't know because that person brings with them a great deal of ideas and, for lack of a better term, emotional and spiritual baggage. Whatever you say about the afterlife, they will directly apply to a family member or friend. For example, if I were an unabashed materialist and told them that I think we slip into an endless oblivion at death, I've just let them know I think Aunt Tilly isn't up walking on streets of gold, but I think she became worm food.

Further, when you are a rather traditional Christian like myself, some of your beliefs about the afterlife don't make for light conversation. For example, when we say the Nicene Creed every Sunday, we confess that Jesus "will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead." This confession, as you may imagine, carries some rather strong implications. Again, dear Aunt Tilly's fate might be less than positive.

As a result, I often think that it has become fashionable or customary for Christians to distance themselves from traditional theological concepts in order to appear more palatable to others. One doesn't wish to offend, after all. I've seen this trend particularly in this part of the country and at the school I attend, Harvard. But should we accept the category of "offense" when honestly queried concerning our beliefs?

I don't think so. One thing I had to come to terms with several years ago is the fact that my faith is offensive to others. In our culture, it often seems as if any genuine faith position will be offensive to someone, even if it is a fairly "inclusive" vision of the world or lacks that bedeviling and irritating "certainty" which is supposed to be so terrible about traditional forms of Christian faith. It seems clear, then, one's desire to be inclusive and non-judgmental doesn't seem to preclude the ability of others to find offense. Much more then, do we draw the ire of others when our faith is, in some sense, exclusive or even when we carry the barest amount of conviction in our beliefs.

So, if offense is not the category we should worry about (because we will always offend), what should we be concerned with when answering questions about our faith? I think telling the truth is the important category. An attempt to hide the actual details of our faith when honestly queried is simply an attempt to avoid the difficulty of being honest in the public square. Now, I do recognize the difficulties in speaking about this sort of thing (i.e. the afterlife) in public. You might look crazy, like someone who believes in elves or fairies. You might look like an angry, judgmental person (hardly the first impression anyone desires to give). But, what I think is more important is that avoiding the profession of your actual beliefs may make you "look" more palatable, but it will also make you dishonest, while you remain, in reality, unpalatable.

I think the actual issue we have with such topics is that we fear what it would mean to say them in public. In other words, we don't want to say something which will lead to our personal rejection on the part of our acquaintances, friends, or even our family.

I may be missing the point, and I would be interested to hear some people chime in who read this blog, particularly if they don't share my beliefs (for the sake of brevity, we'll just refer to the Nicene Creed). So, I'm inviting some commentary here. I'm looking for comments which deal with these questions:

1. When you ask someone about their faith, do you actually want to hear it? Or do you simply want to hear something palatable or attractive? Perhaps something unchallenging?
2. When you are queried concerning your beliefs (or lack thereof), do you edit yourself to avoid offending people? (e.g. do you give them the Disney version of the story?)
3. Is there some larger point we're missing here?

Finally, I would just like to signal that I notice I've hardly made a properly theological post on this site, despite my love for studying theology. So, I'm going to head in the direction signaled in this post by making a series of statements on the afterlife, that topic I most hate bringing up. View it as a type of spiritual discipline on my part, an attempt at putting to death that fear of rejection which I think underlies most hesitation to speak on religious issues with new acquaintances. For, I recognize that fear in myself, and I find it unacceptable.